Sorry, this is kind of all over the place. I hope you can understand it and that it makes sense.
I just finished reading all the posts and comments about little Preslee Sullenger who nearly drowned a couple weeks ago and then passed away last weekend. I went to school with Preslee's mom but we didn't know each other. I'd been following her story and waiting for all the updates. When I found out that she passed away last Friday I thought "I don't want to read about it. I don't want to be sad." But then I thought about "mourning with those who mourn" and even though I cannot offer my condolences to the family personally some good can come from me reading the story and all the sad comments. Since reading the stories I am completely overcome with gratitude for my family, for my sweet little boys who teach me patience, how to love, and how to laugh! I will appreciate each moment I have with them. They are my best friends! I will watch them more closely. I will be more grateful for the plan of salvation and for my Savior. I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me and wants me to grow and learn and love him. I am so sorry for little Preslee's parents and for all who love her and her family. It is times like these that I am reminded of the pain of losing a loved one. That weight that settles on your chest and makes it so difficult to breath. The helpless feeling. Complete agony. The actual physical pain. Falling to your knees, begging Heavenly Father for some relief, some comfort, a little peace. I cannot imagine losing one of my children. It is my one of my greatest fears - the greatest being losing them for eternity. My heart aches for the Sullengers and their family.

Okay I started this post earlier today and just came back to it. So the rest of this is in a little bit different direction but I wanted to share it anyway. One of the comments someone posted on the Sullenger's blog was about submitting our will to the Lord and how it is the one truly unique thing we can give to the Lord. (I think they were quoting a general authority from a conference address or something.) The Lord has a plan for each and everyone of us. We cannot understand everything but we can submit ourselves to Him and His will and He will guide and direct us in our lives so we can return to Him someday.
This weekend I was riding horses and I kept thinking about a comment someone made in Sunday school a couple weeks ago. The teacher asked what it meant to have a "broken heart" and a man in my ward replied that he always compared it to breaking a horse. When you break a horse you teach and train him to submit to your will. So as I was riding I began to think about that. At first I was riding a horse named Ida. She was a big, beautiful horse, but she was incredibly stubborn. She would mind me, or "submit" to my will only about half the time. A few of us wanted to go out on a longer ride up the mountain a little ways. I decide to change horses because I didn't trust Ida and I was not very comfortable riding her out in the open. (I hadn't been on a horse in over 3 years!) The next horse I got on was perfect! He did exactly as I asked and the ride was so much fun! Also, because my horse was broke so well I could just let him go and I knew he would follow the trail we were on. He didn't need as much coaxing to stay on the trail as some of the other horses did. And if he began to wander a bit I would gently bring him back to the trail. There was another horse that went on the long ride with us that nearly walked straight over a cattle guard because he wanted to just get back to the barn and was not "submitting" to the will of his rider who was desperately trying to steer him away from the danger. As I compare having a broken heart to a broke horse I think about the different degrees of "broken". Do I want to be like the horse that is so stubborn and refuses to obey his master that he doesn't see the danger laying in his path? Or the horse the rider cannot trust? Or do I want to be like the horse who willingly obeys his master and in turn has an enjoyable and safe journey through the woods? In my reading last night I came across this scripture in Acts 14:22 that says "...we must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God." We know we are going to have trials and tribulations, it is the only way to "enter the kingdom of God." So doesn't it just make sense to submit ourselves to the Lord's will and be like the faithful and obedient horse who trusts his master and avoids the dangerous cattle guards? I know that the only way to make it through the trials I have been through and will go through in this life is to submit my will to the Lord. I pray I can remember little Preslee and the reminder she has given me to rely on Heavenly Father and to stay close to Him and worthy of His spirit at all times - you never know when you are going to need that extra strength.